Missy
Meet Missy Christenson, your friendly school counselor! With a Master’s degree in Educational Counseling and a heart full of compassion, Missy has been guiding and supporting children for over four years. But her journey with children started long before that, with ten additional years of experience in various settings.
When she’s not at school, you can find her at The Animal Pad, a dog rescue organization in San Diego, CA, where she volunteers her time to help furry friends find their forever homes. With Missy, kindness and care are always on the agenda!
For those needing to speak with a child about the death of a loved one, Missy has crafted the following lesson plan.
- Be Honest and Open
Use simple and direct words, avoiding words and phrases such as “gone to sleep” or “passed away.” Such phrases can be confusing to children, and can delay their grief process. It is also important to allow them to ask questions, and is equally important for you to answer those questions truthfully.
Example: “I have something sad to share, Aunt Joan died”. - Provide Support
Giving hugs and listening are some of the most important things you can do. Additionally, let them know death is a natural part of life, and assure them it’s okay to feel angry, sad, confused, or any other emotions they may be experiencing. It also helps to label your own feelings, so the child can feel more comfortable expressing theirs.
Example: “I feel really sad, and that’s okay. We really loved Aunt Bobbie, and I’m really going to miss her. What are you feeling right now?” - Set Expectations
Frontloading the child on what the next few days/weeks may look like can help prepare them on what to expect, which can make it a little less scary.
Example: “There will be a service for Grandma. There will be a lot of people there that all knew her, and they will likely cry. They may say they are sorry for your loss, and we can say thank you. Grandma will be inside a coffin, which is a big box which will be put into the ground. After the burial, we will all gather with food and share memories about Grandma. I will be with you the whole time. Do you have any questions?” - Giving Time
Be patient with the child. Everyone processes grief on their own timeline. Some children may have trouble sleeping or may feel anxious; some may only need a few days to feel better. Reassure them by listening to them. Let them know it takes time to feel better after losing someone, but they will feel better one day. It is also important the child knows that feeling better doesn’t mean forgetting about the person they have lost; it means keeping their memory alive.
Pablo the Book
OrderIf you feel as if your child is struggling to cope in any way, and that you are not able to provide them with the support they need, consider seeking professional help from a licensed therapist.